Ever wonder what exactly a copywriter does? I'd almost forgotten myself until I recently found some old faxes (Faxes? Yes, that old). I think in a nutshell, copywriters are given one idea and told to say it five hundred different ways. The process is excruciating, the discarded versions are endless, and the final result always seems terribly miniscule. As the address of this blog references, "the essence of wit is brevity," yet all too frequently the process of getting there is long and grueling. Here is some copy (both hits and misses) I wrote:

For examples of my work that did make it into print, please visit the online copy of my design portfolio at https://www.scribd.com/doc/241648880/Brad-Cheng-Portfolio  My copy for film posters and television ad campaigns appear in the Werndorf Associates section of the portfolio.

The Dennis Miller show

You listen to the news every day,

but you've never heard it quite like this.

The perfect killing machine.

Swims, eat, and make little remarks.

Is this the last man in America

with any common sense?

You can't argue with perception.

The most outlandish one-man 

judge, jury, and executioner

sentencing America today.

Taking a weekly, parting shot

at America's favorite targets.

Revealing the truth in a way

that makes the tabloids blush.

Part news.

Part commentary.

All out war.

The saddest thing about the truth

is more people don't laugh at it.

Watch him go on a rant

You may listen to the news

but you've never heard it like this.

They're raving about his rant.

He's all the rage.

Stark 

raving

brilliant

Rebel without a pause

Watch the news,

But tune in to the truth.

George Carlin

We’d like to print the seven little words you can’t say on television...

But we still can't. And you'll only hear them one place.

SIX SHOWS YOU CAN’T SEE ON TELEVISION.

He’s never minced words

cutting up society.

The first amendment 

guarantees free speech.

We guarantee it will be

 used to it’s fullest.

Taking liberty with language

America’s funniest figure of speech

Conceived by one man dedicated to hilarity.

Carlin past to present.

Still running counter to our culture.

Still only on HBO.

3 decades later

and he’s just warming up.

The biggest recycling effort

by other networks is their jokes.

Spawn

The war for heaven

begins in one man's soul.

Wanting to do good. Needing to be evil.

All hell breaks loose

The line between good and evil

is about to be erased

His soul is lost.

His battle  just beginning.

His toughest fight

is denying what he is.

Reborn to be bad

A heart trapped in darkness,

He sold his soul for love

Prepare to meet his Inner demon

Evil is going to have hell to pay

Too  mean to die

See what happens when you 

break your deal with the devil.

Even in blackest heart

burns the desire for good.

He must fight

what he has become.

The dawn of heaven’s darkest knight

Larry Sanders Show

(paired with positive reviews)

No matter what we do

they keep saying nice things about us.

The best part about being ruthless is

they have to say nice things about you.

There are plenty of people in Hollywood

we'd like to thank for our success.

But they'd know we don't really mean it.

You can accuse most of hollywood of egotism.

We deserve it.

When your guest's start turning up out of fear,

you know you've made it....

So many great guests.

So many kind words.

So much insincerity it's sickening.

It takes friendly guests and a lot of kind praise

to prove you're the meanest show on television.

We have the Hollywood elite,  

the critics' praise, and all the awards.

What we'd really like 

is our own parking space.

(alt.)

No wonder our lives 

still feel incomplete.

(alt.)

That doesn't mean we won't

be off the air by Tuesday.

When people in Hollywood  start saying nice things about you.

You're either doing a great job,  or they're looking for one. 

In a business founded on backstabbing, nepotism and deception,

We're very proud to continue the tradition.

The kindest words in Television are: "I love your show"

The most sincere praise in Hollywood is: "Please don't destroy my career"

The Larry Sanders Show is proud to have heard both.

Well, anyway, now you get the idea.